CHANGE
By Dr. Sidney Langston
Change is a part of everyone's life. We change our clothes, schools, jobs, friends, places of residence, churches, and sometimes, unfortunately, even marriage partners. Webster states change is: " (v.) to make different; to alter; to vary; (n.) something of the same kind, but new and fresh." Channeling change into growth is of paramount importance for us as individuals, but it is not an automatic process.
There are two distinct types of change. First order change occurs within a system such as a family, school, church or work place without changing the system itself or anyone in it. It is like rearranging the furniture in a room. Changes have been made, but the room could be restored to its original state.
Second order change irrevocably alters the system in which it occurs. Such change may come from outside ourselves, bringing happiness or sadness. An example of a happy change may be children marrying and establishing their own homes.
On the other side of the ledger is a spouse becoming chronically ill, forcing a permanent change in the family's lifestyle. In both cases we have to adapt to a change we have not chosen to make.
However, the impetus for second order change may also come from within us. For example, an alcoholic may get so fed up with the way he is destroying himself and others that he checks into a detox center. The change to sobriety and recovery is the result of looking for a way to resolve a persistent and painful problem.
On the other hand, change may require the creation of a problem. It may be necessary to tear down what is no longer useful and reconstruct it. Although taking out a wall between two small rooms may solve a space problem, the reconstruction will cause chaos for a time. But in the end you have something more functional and satisfying.
As we reflect upon the Scriptures, we see many evidences of change. In the beginning of Genesis, God created man, and man's sin began the cycle of change which will continue until Jesus returns. Some examples of change noted in Scripture range from the physical destruction of the great flood; the creation of a people to serve God: a nation which was formed and seemingly destroyed repeatedly; to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
Reasons Change Does Not Occur Even when we see change and growth as desirable, we may fear and resist it because we don't want our boats rocked. We may have grown fairly comfortable with the way things are, even though we know they are unhealthy. Or perhaps we have become so entrenched in our dysfunctional behaviors that we have come to view them as normal.
We may be resistant to change because we believe change is unnecessary. Perhaps we are not desperate enough for change to occur, or we're afraid to take the risks involved. Or perhaps we may not be willing to take responsibility for change and the resulting disequilibrium it brings to our lives. If we are willing to take the risk, this disequilibrium is a signal to us that change is occurring, and resistance should be expected.
We may also resist change because we feel a lack of sufficient emotional support for the process of change or because we feel uncertain that we are in a place in which change can safely occur. It may be overwhelming to think of changing old behaviors for new ways of relating to others. Even so, if we want to be emotionally healthy, we must discard dysfunctional defense mechanisms and develop healthier attitudes.
Steps to Change If you wish to change, the first step is to face the need for it. Once you have purposed to change, you must find a safe place for change to occur. Think about what safety means to you and where and with whom you feel safe (I Cor. 4:2).
Give yourself permission to change, to take care of yourself even if others don't appreciate it. Then develop a specific plan for change (Psa. 20:4; Pro. 16:3, 9; Isa. 25:1; Jer. 29:1). The more specific the plan, the more successful you will be in meeting your goals.
Be persistent. Second order change takes time. Research shows that a new habit can be formed, or an old one replaced, in 21 days. However, it may take much longer for lasting change to occur in behaviors that result from a particular mind set that has persisted over time. Changes are hard to make, but you will find that the struggle is worth it (Phil. 4:13).
Seek assistance from someone you trust, perhaps a friend, a pastor or a therapist who will help you stay on track (Gal. 6:2-4). Don't try to go it alone. Support groups may prove helpful as you relate to others who have faced the same struggles you do (I Thess. 5:11).
Finally, discover whom you can trust, and seek these individuals out among your acquaintances (Luke 16:10a). When you can trust another person, and they suggest change, then you can face that possibility without being guarded. It is not a threat to you. Trust is sharing your self with another with the expectation that you will not be harmfully used or exploited (I Cor. 4:2). Trust is the bedrock of emotional development, necessary for the formation of love and intimacy in any relationship. The freedom to trust is essential for stable mental health.
When change is indicated, it will take a lot of hard work to realize your goals, but health and recovery are worth the effort. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Rom. 15:13). Allow God, by His power, to urge you forward to changes that He wants to effect in your life.
References: Watzkawuck, Paul; Weakland, John, & Fisch, Richard. (1974). Change Principles of Problem Formation and Problem Resolution. New York: W.W. Norton,
Copyright 1998, El Rophe Center, Inc.
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